Ruined for Life

I have the best Dad in the whole world. When I was a child, I remember engaging in the popular "my dad is better than your dad" debate with other children on the school playground. In all objectivity, however, as an adult, this saying STILL holds true. I have many relatives and friends who would agree with me on this statement, with a mixture of both admiration and envy, of what I and my siblings have.

Like any daily family dynamic, though, I did not realize how marvelous my father was when I was growing up. I thought everyone had a dad who said, "I love you" to them on a daily basis. Didn't all my friends have a dad that wrote, "Foxy Lady" on their lunch bag? I thought that being smothered in hugs, kisses, and positive affirmation was a consistent reality for most families. I believed that every child had a parent that stated to them, 'I believe in you and you can do anything that you set your mind to do." I was sure that my friends had a dad who tucked them in at night and read stories to them, right? As the years passed, I realized that I was sadly mistaken.

I remember having a particularly difficult time in high school. Raging hormones, coupled with crippling insecurity, acne, thick glasses, braces and obesity, did not make for a smooth transition for me into the teenage years. Let's just say that I wasn't going to be on the cheerleading squad, dating a football player, or going to prom. I could even get into a size 12 pair of pants! I came home from a day that was especially painful, for reasons that I cannot fully remember, and there was a card waiting for me on my bed. I opened the card and, on the front of the card, was a pair of two hands, cupping each other. Inside the card, it read, "From the first touch, I knew you were mine. I love you, Dad". I burst out crying and flung myself on the bed with all of the emotional angst that a teenager could muster. This was just like one of those scenes out of a sappy Hallmark commercial, except that this was real and it was happening to me! Though I didn't realize the full impact of that card in that moment, years later, I realize that I both belong to and am known by my dad in a way that no bond could ever break.

Not only did Dad provide me with emotional support as a needy teenager, but Dad continues to be one of my spiritual role models today. When I was eight years old, my Dad baptized me into the Christian faith. When I was 10 years old, Dad took me out on a date and showed me what it was like to be treated like a woman after God's own heart. When I was ordained as a pastor, Dad's simple speech about my character was authentic and powerful, bringing many to tears. As a bride, Dad walked me down the aisle and symbolically transferred his protection and provision of me over to my husband with pride and dignity. Finally, when I was going through my divorce and undergoing painful discussions with my church leadership, Dad was in attendance, supporting my best interests and ensuring me that someone truly cared about not only my ministry position, but my emotional health as well. After one disturbing meeting that finalized the details of my leave of absence, Dad looked me in the eyes and said, "I am so proud of you and what you have done. You are brave." When all the men in my life had abandoned me, Dad was there to validate my emotions and my experience. Dad has been "Jesus with skin on."

So, I am happily ruined for life. No man on earth can ever compare to my father. While this is a wonderful predicament to have, it also leaves me feeling conflicted. How will I make a better choice in a relationship the next time around? What expectations are unrealistic and what expectations are normal and healthy? God is going to have to help me sift through my high standards, and distorted ideas of husbandly roles through His discerning and perfect sieve of truth. I trust that He will show me what I can live with and what I can live without.

In the meantime, I happily settle back into Dad's provision. Who doesn't want to be told that they are beautiful, wonderful, and amazing every day? I thought not. I am one lucky lady.