Earthquake

 

"How much happier you would be, how much more of you there would be, if the hammer of a higher God could smash your small cosmos?" - GK Chesterton

Disasters are events that come suddenly and unexpectedly into daily life. Disasters are things that cannot be anticipated or prevented. They just HAPPEN…without warning. They often leave devastation in their wake, crippling lives and environments.

Last month, an earthquake of epic physical and emotional proportions came to shake the foundation of my being. Tremors of anxiety rocked me to the core, overwhelming both my body and my mind. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and I had nowhere to escape from the obsessive, mental thoughts of terror, panic, and death. Visuals of failure, suicide, and shame had me cowering inside my tiny apartment. I was alone, doubting God's presence and believing that there wasn't a purpose to my life. I was scared to be by myself, I was scared to be around people, I was scared of the dark, I was scared to be awake and I was scared to sleep. I was SCARED.

This is not something new. Six years ago, panic and anxiety quaked through my stressful life and brought me to my knees, seeking sanity with an incredible desperation. During that time, I would have given ANYTHING to be normal, with average, positive thoughts. With treatment and time, I became better and stronger. The funny thing is that, this time, I was at the healthiest place that I had been at in my life in six years – emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. There was NO warning…it just came and knocked the wind right out of me. I just wanted to go back to where I was. Why was this happening again?

However, I was able to recognize the instability of my thoughts and emotions. I immediately reached out to my boss, my family, and friends. Within a week, I had grasped the handles of community, prayer, medical help, and counseling. Right now, with the help of all of these tools, I am taking each day as it comes, concentrating on living in the present, and am examining each dark, negative thought in the light of God's truth. There are days in which the panic is kept at bay and I forget about the anxiety and terror…I feel the wind on my face, the sun shines on my skin, and I feel ordinary. Other days, I make it through the day with white knuckles, my daily dose of Ativan, lots of tears and with my 3x5 cards of Scriptures hanging around my apartment, my office and in my car.

A friend told me that the word "earthquake" in Japanese actually means "rebuild." The very word in English that is a noun describing an end is actually a verb pointing towards healing in another language. God is continuing to rebuild my life. This quake is an opportunity to continue the work that God had begun in my life long ago. It is a sign of healing and not death…of the beginning of something greater rather than the reminder of despair and defeat. There is no going back, but only moving forward with honesty and courage.

As we celebrated this Easter season, I remembered another earthquake that occurred in the New Testament. The Gospel of Mark records that, as Jesus breathed His last breath on the cross, an earthquake shook Jerusalem and the temple curtain was torn in two. His death brought about the rebuilding of new life for all people. That earthquake enables me to access His power during my time of disaster.

Last month's quake will not leave me devastated but will instead serve as a monument to growth. What is being built is a greater love and intimacy with Christ, a deeper appreciation for living in the moment, and a greater understanding of the importance of friendship and community. Though it is still scary, let the process continue…

"Often we're scared to death that if we cooperate with God for healing, it is going to somehow hurt so badly that we will NEVER survive it. This is a LIE from the enemy. "– Beth Moore

 

Cupcake Hands

I have a not-so-secret addiction to reality TV. I confess that I enjoy peaking into the private lives of other people. Exploring the underside of human nature is so intriguing to me, especially when it is not my life that is being examined in a public forum. The other day I came upon a series entitled, "Toddlers and Tiaras" on my Netflix recommendation list. As with any new reality series that I begin watching, if I enjoy viewing the first episode, I am then pulled into the reality vortex of watching the entire season, often in one sitting. Thus, within a matter of a week and a half, I am the proud (maybe?) viewer of all three seasons of the show.

"Toddlers and Tiaras" is like watching a train wreck occur– you know you should look away but you cannot help watching the impending disaster about to take place. This show chronicles the lives of "pageant families", those who have their sons and daughters, of all ages and stages, participating in the pageant process at both the local state and national levels. Often these families spend hundreds and thousands of dollars to have their children go up on a stage and be judged for their facial beauty, poise, and expensive clothes. Kids parade across the stage, doing the perfect turns and twirls, with perfect "cupcake hands" all aligned in a posture of grown up grace, with smiling eyes, fake teeth and coiffed hair….The message that I heard from several of the families and judges were, "Society judges you on physical beauty so you must be beautiful to have a successful life. Beautiful people have easier lives." Some of these children enjoy the process, some do not, and most of them are ill-mannered, entitled, and spoiled.

What I find amazing about the show is the reasoning these parents use to justify having their young children compete in pageants. They believe that pageant participation, over time, will instill confidence and strength in their girls. This will then improve their chances of becoming famous and successful later on in life. How does being judged on physical beauty improve one's self-esteem? How does having a "glitz" look of make-up, glittering gowns, hair extensions, spray tans, manicures, and fake teeth emphasize real beauty? What happens when the make- up comes off and the applause of an audience dies down? What happens when they DON'T win? There is only emptiness, insecurity, and self-loathing.

In no episode was there mention of teaching these young ladies to serve others, to think of others before themselves, to have compassion on other people and to use their intelligence to create their own promising futures. The media already bombards young women with messages on the importance of fame, wealth, sexiness, and physical perfection. Now, the battlefield has entered these homes. I am afraid for this next generation of women as they are being taught to attain an ideal that can never be realized, they are being reared to compete with other women, rather than collaborate with them, and they are being told that they are entitled to be admired by society.

Yesterday was International Women's Day and, across the globe, women were celebrated for the impact they were making within their families, communities, and governments. There are moms who are building businesses in third world countries to provide for their children and for the lives of those around them. There are women battling valiantly with cancer, fighting to both survive and to leave a lasting legacy behind for their families. There are women who are taking in children from the foster care system and giving them a safe place in which they can thrive at all levels of development. There are women studying in school to accomplish their dreams of becoming doctors, lawyers, business executives, teachers, psychologists, authors, etc.

Let's have our young women find their self-esteem and value in service to God and their communities, rather than on a pageant catwalk in front of hungry, ambitious parents. Let's stop cupcake hands and create hands that love, serve, and extend out to those in need. These are the kinds of hands I want to see impacting the world for generations to come.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:25-30

Love Life

There is a scene out of the movie, "Under the Tuscan Sun" that captures the essence of Valentine's Day for me. The main character (played by Diane Lane) decides to travel to Italy when her marriage falls apart in the States. While on this trip, she decides to purchase an Italian Villa and restore it. Though the task proves to be daunting, she becomes part of the community around her and begins to heal from past hurts. While there, her best friend in the States unexpectedly comes to see her, heartbroken over a recent break up and pregnant with her first child. Upon seeing Diane Lane's character busy with house renovations and a new relationship, she asks, "Are you sure that it is okay for me to stay here with you? I don't want to ruin your love life." Diane's character responds, "Honey, you ARE my LOVE life."

Today is about celebrating my love life-the family and friends who make my life beautiful and valuable. I already have an abundance of love. Right in this moment. I have all that I need for fulfilling, enriching relationships. I have listening ears that celebrate my joys and wise mouths that raise me out of despair. I have standing date nights with friends when I am lonely and long-distance prayer partners that help me to seek God wholeheartedly. I have family members that stick by me, through thick and thin, and co-workers who seek to spread love to others in need. Everywhere I look, there is love.

Before I was born, however, a higher, more perfect love was waiting for me-in Christ. Unconditional love is mine. There is no where I can go to escape this love and nothing that I can do to earn it. This love IS. I embrace it today and I return this love, imperfectly, back to Christ and to those around me. I am grateful and honored to be blessed with such a love as this.

This love is not only mine for the taking. It is yours as well. Take time to thank those that enhance your love life today. Whether single, married, divorced, old, young, your love life is HERE and rich with promise. Look around you and be grateful. You have LOVE.