Jane Eyre I Am!

As a little girl, my great passion was reading. You would not find me outdoors, running and playing with the neighborhood children in the streets, or riding my bike around the block. NO! I would be holed up in my bedroom, escaping into the exciting worlds that various writers had created for me. My parents had to literally make me go outside for fear that I would have a vitamin D deficiency later in life. I was more comfortable in the fantasy worlds of romantic, classical literature, than in the mundane reality of my life as a socially awkward nerd in the 1980's.

One of my favorite novels of all time is Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. As an introverted, bookish young woman, this novel appealed to me for various reasons. There was a plain, intelligent, kind governess as the heroine, whom I identified with, and a dark, brooding English gentleman, Mr. Rochester, as her chief love interest. I could easily picture myself as Jane Eyre, because I believed that I was plain, overweight, and really only had my intelligence and kindness to offer others. Someone saw her true beauty, Mr. Rochester, and I longed for someone to see and respond to that same inner beauty inside of me.

The character, Jane Eyre, was also quiet and still on the surface, but possessed deep passions and insights into human nature, which she kept hidden from the world around her. When she is teased by Mr. Rochester, who threatens to send her away to another governess post when he marries, she states,

"Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!" – Jane Eyre, Chapter 23

Her response to Rochester's teasing, as he really intends to marry her and not send her away, is both emotional and violent. One wouldn't think that she experienced the world in such a way, just be looking at her. In fact, if she existed in this world, she would most likely be overlooked in favor of someone more attractive and gregarious. In fact, when it turns out that Mr. Rochester is already married to an insane woman that he has kept locked up in his house (remember that ,this is fiction?) Rochester remarks, "This young girl who stands so grave and quiet at the mouth of hell." Jane Eyre, Chapter 24. Only later would she mourn and grieve, alone and with incredible abandon.

This novel has resonated with me over the years. I was raised in a reserved household. Both of my parents were quiet people, not prone to express the full range of their emotions on a daily basis. They were consistent and expressive in their love for me and my siblings, but were unfamiliar with voicing fear, pain, anger, etc. As such, it was difficult to learn how to express my own emotions to others. By nature, I am prone to introspection and I find that I have to "go inward" to analyze my emotions before I can express what I am feeling to the world around me. I often felt stifled and imprisoned by my personality because I didn't know how to fully release all that was going on inside me. It has taken much life experience, therapy, and intentional, safe pockets of community for me to learn how to be authentic and passionate in my expressions on matters of my heart. However, I will always tend toward deep analysis and stillness in my responses rather than quick reactions to most situations (unless I am in my car when someone cuts me off, and then I will automatically express a colorful array of words!).

As the saying goes, "still waters run deep", and many of us that are still possess insights that can be overlooked in a busy, chaotic world. Proverbs 20:5 states, "A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out." I encourage you today to be a person of understanding, who draws out the deep waters of the lives of those around you. You will be pleasantly surprised in what you discover if you take the time to delve into those "depths".

I am proud to identify with this heroine, Jane Eyre, as she has been a pleasant companion to me over the years. Though I no longer pine for a moody, emotional hero to save me from a bleak existence, I am grateful that a character was written in whom my heart identifies with, in its passionate yearnings, quiet expressions, and intelligent insights. Charlotte Bronte, who lived in the mid-1800's, was well advanced in her wise observations of the female condition. Next time you are around a quiet person, think of them as a "Jane Eyre' in whose person is a storehouse full of wisdom and authenticity. You rock, Jane Eyre!